I think I need treatment. Maybe a spell on a consulting room couch, or,even better, a long holiday somewhere quiet. I'm quite worried what will happen to me if I don't. Oh oh! That's another one. Agateophobia, (Fear of insanity or becoming insane) unless I'm very much mistaken. I'd better lie down...

It all started a little while ago, when I received a letter from a desperate young lady who was absolutely unable to undress in front of her husband"in fact she hated even to see her nude body reflected in the mirror. This wasn't just a case of advanced shyness or excess modesty on her part; it was an almost pathological fear of being, or being seen, naked. This was, understandably, placing something of a strain on her marriage, and she wrote to me hoping that I, as a lifelong nudist, could give her some guidance.

This sounded like a medical condition about which I was unqualified to offer advice"(What could I say? "Just get 'em off girl and enjoy yourself"! Not exactly helpful in a case like this.)"and so I made a few enquiries. I found out that she might be suffering from something called Gymnophobia, sometimes called Nudophobia (fear of nudity), or possibly Dishabiliophobia, (fear of undressing in front of someone) or even Kolpophobia (fear of genitals, particularly female). All of these are recognised phobias which, though distressing, can be successfully treated, and I was able to refer her to a specialist who could help her. She has contacted me recently, and fortunately is finding the treatment helpful.

So, a happy ending for Vera (for that was the lady's name). But the start of troubled times for me.

According to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia,(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia) phobia (from the Greek word for fear), is a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. Now, in the course of my research I'd come across a list of phobias so long that I feared I might develop wrinkles before I'd finished (Rhytiphobia),and the briefest perusal of this list led to the realisation that, far from being the healthily uncomplicated gal that I thought I was, I am, in fact, a seething mass of phobias, with an excessive and unreasonable desire to avoid all sorts of things.

It's no consolation to know that I don't suffer from Nudophobia, (see above) or Arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth), when I discover that I have Taphephobia, (fear of being buried alive) Atomosophobia (fear of atomic explosions) and Pnigerophobia (fear of choking or being smothered), not to mention Paraskavedekatriaphobia (fear of Friday the 13th) and, God help me, Helminthophobia (fear of being infested with worms).

I've always known that I suffered from Aviophobia, Aviatophobia or Pteromerhanophobia (all manifestations of the fear of flying) but I didn't realise that that was what they're called, and with a possible worldwide pandemic of bird-flu threatening our health I think I might get Alektorophobia (fear of chickens) to accompany my Nosophobia (fear of becoming ill) and Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals). Come to think of it, if this epidemic is going to be as virulent as the boffins say, it might be prudent to develop Pteronophobia (fear of being tickled by feathers) as well.

Still, at least I don't suffer from Oenophobia,(fear of wines) or Erotophobia, (fear of sex) thank goodness, and being a nudist I laugh in the face of Scopophobia or Ophthalmophobia (fear of being stared at), although it's just occurred to me that nudism itself might be a form of Vestiphobia (fear of clothes).

Oh dear, it's enough to give a girl Phobophobia (fear of phobias).

Anyway, I can't hang around here feeling sorry for myself. I've got work to do, and it's just as well that I don't have Logizomechanophobia (fear of computers) or"how about this one"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words), or I'd have to give up writing and find a proper job.

And it's no good you laughing and being smug. I'll bet you've got lots of phobias too. Check out The Phobia List at http://snipurl.com/ngbl and find out; there's plenty to choose from and you're bound to discover some nice juicy ones to baffle your shrink and impress your friends with.

And me? I've got myself so confused that I've decided that only sensible thing is to have Panophobia (fear of everything) and forget about the rest.

I'll get less of a phobia about it in the long run.