Do you know how to make your relationship last? Would you like to know the secrets to successful marriages? If you are searching for a relationship that goes on and on and endures throughout time, you need to consider the following points. There are four major predictors that determine which relationships will survive and which ones will not. Why Relationships Fail: Four Predictors * The power of positive versus negative comments People in failing relationships look for what is wrong with others (especially their mate) instead of what is right. During a conversation where the two people held opposing views, the ones who had a good relationship said something nice to the other one five times more than they said something critical. In relationships that don't last, the ratio of good comments versus bad ones to each other was one to one. * Accepting responsibility to be in a committed relationship When one or both people don't take responsibility for their commitment and allow themselves to be attracted to others, they are in trouble. Some people feel there is nothing wrong with a little "harmless" flirtation. On the contrary, research shows that in every close conversation, there is the possibility of secreting oxytocin (a hormonal chemical) that creates a bond. These interactions can make people feel like they are falling in love. But people can consciously choose not to cross a boundary when they feel even slightly attracted to someone else. They can change their focus. They do not have to be a victim of this attraction. *Forgiveness There is no "perfect" relationship and even the best ones will have some ups and downs, but is is how couples ride those rough times that determines if the relationship succeeds. People who are good at relating will try to repair any damage that is done in their partnership. They will offer apologies and make gestures to right what has caused hurt. * Attitude Understanding that you need to teach others how to treat you in order to get your needs met will move you from the victim column into the winning column. There are, however, some attitudes that indicate a relationship will break up. The kinds of behavior that will erode closeness are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Why relationships don't last is profound but simple. You need two people who treat each other with love, affection, respect, and support, and have a commitment to each other. You deserve a love that lasts--so think about the above. |
